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Labor Day

The epidural had long since worn off and I was in pain. Sharp tentacles of pure pain snaked through my lower torso, encircling what I think of as my spleen but probably isn't. My abdomen constricted again, sending fresh spikes of pure pain up my back and sides. 'This isn't right.' I screamed, the low guttural sound emanating from my throat quite of its own volition. My body was no longer mine to control. Fire, a burning rage of pure pain, spread through my groin. The nurse's voice, cool soothing nurse, gritted at my mind like sandpaper. The midwife, nurse, student-nurse, and Andy stood around me, cheering. "You can do it!" "Almost there!" Over and over their voices tumbled, urging me on, supporting me. I hated them. I wanted to crawl off and die. I wanted to be gassed, passed out, and have someone else do the hard part. More pain. Pain was my world. Pain and fury enveloped my consciousness. Another contraction. More fire, consuming me from the inside out. Pressure welled up in my head. "I'm having an aneurysm." I was reminded that, actually, I was having a baby and this was a perfectly normal and healthy response. I wanted to shoot someone, wanted them all to shut up. More pain. More fire. I could fel myself ripping in half. I sobbed through my screams and imagined someone running a sword through me; imagined how nice the cool metal would feel against the flames and what a clean precise feeling it would be.
    "I hate you all"
    "You-can-do-it! She's coming! I see her!"
    "Shut up shut up." I was howling now. Fire. Fire and pain. Another contraction. Another unanswered plea for death, sleep, or a cigarette. And then... nothing. A sliding, slightly slimy sensation. I sat back as wave after wave of relative silence wracked my shattered body. A rush of activity.. A brief glimpse of a small red bundle, and then the nurse was pushing the bundle into my arms. 'Holy Fuck.' Mentally, I scrabbled away, up a mountainside in fear. The baby blinked up at me, looking rather startled. I took her unsteadily.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 18th, 2008 06:06 am (UTC)
The worst part is when they tell you that it's a natural procedure and everyone else does it. The lady in the delivery room next you to didn't even wimper.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )



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